A new bio that is not autobiographical.

The following entry comes to you courtesy of a certain commenter to whom I am related. I take no responsibility for its content, and the opinions contained therein do not reflect those of the management, AKA, mine.

I am Matthew’s little sister Amy. His “Short, short bio” is keeping me up at night because it’s so BORING! I decided to take the initiative and re-write it for him, because I’m just that kind of person, and he’s busy being a famous author (“double book launch” and all that).

It should go something like this… Matthew’s ears must have magical powers because he always rubs them for inspiration (and distraction). His childhood was just as rich as any young adult work of fiction. He got spectacular gold rimmed glasses in 6th Grade and compensated in coolness (for the unwelcome addition) by smacking his gum extra loud. Matthew almost became proficient at the piano, but shocked everyone at his last recital (age 14) as he stood up mid-sonata and announced that “he quit.” In spite of that very unexpected drama, he has an amazing ear for music and a decent baritone. He sings loudly in the car, but not in the shower. During his younger days, Matthew’s summers were filled with scout camps, catching fire flies, building forts in the front yard, collecting Batman cards, organizing The Monopoly Clue Club, swimming at the lake, and playing “Adventure Games” in the woods behind his house. He carried a long bow with him in those days, and made trouble using a small cannon equipped with real gun powder and fuses given to him by his Uncle.

Above all, Matthew plays well with others. He is way too charming for his own good. During his adolescence, he dabbled in the fine arts with dreams of becoming a comic book artist or a film director. He enjoys staying up way too late playing computer games with his brother (when he should be writing). He can’t say no to grape Hi Chews, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Grandma Sycamore’s white bread, and maple bars with bacon bits (gross!). His mind is like a magnet for fascinating information, unappreciated by most, but necessary for his craft. Much to the credit and appreciation of his younger sisters, Matthew is extremely well versed in classical romance movies such as (but not limited to) Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, and Random Harvest. He is loved by his nieces and nephews. He has a kind perceptive heart, brilliant mind and ever-growing imagination. Icefall is my favorite book. If you haven’t read it, you should. If you have read it, read it again!

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5 Responses

  1. Love it. This should be your official bio, Matt. Awesome job, Little Sister Amy. Gives me hope for my weapon-obsessed kid, who likes to carry cross-bow or samurai sword in case of emergencies and would die for a cannon with real gunpowder.

    Reply
  2. Andrea

     /  October 7, 2013

    Ha, ha. I love this. Reminds me a bit of my own big brother Matt. :)

    Reply
  3. walt

     /  October 28, 2013

    Haven’t checked kirbside for a while. Glad I did. Excellent bio, Amy. I love Icefall, too.

    Reply
  4. jake

     /  March 18, 2014

    hi Matt. my name is Jake and for an ElA assignment we were told to write about an author that you really love. I choose you because the book “The Clockwork Three” and “Icefall.” for my book report I would like to know about some struggles in your life. If you don’t respond then I get it. if you do respond before March 28th 2014 I would be so happy and get an A on my book report.

    Reply

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